squided:

ginnymcqueen:

stylinsonxhealy:

satanstrousers:

One of my friends asked me the other day if I would suck one thousand dicks for a billion dollars, and I love questions like that because not only are they so demonstrative of the no-homo society we live in, but they also show a fundamental lack of understanding that some people have for the value of money. Like, do you realize just how much money one billion dollars is? Do you realize I could live my life in the lap of luxury buying literally everything I could ever want and still have a fortune to leave to my children?? For sucking some dicks?? We are talking 1 million dollars per dick sucked!! That’s just economical like come on man.

1 billion dollars and all you’d have to do is suck a dick every day for the next 2.7 years. That’s it. Plenty of people already do that. You could quit your job and literally suck dick for a living. You could suck two dicks a day and only have to suck dick for 1.4 years. You could suck 5 dicks a day for about 6 months. 5 DICKS A DAY FOR 6 MONTHS FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, OF COURSE I’LL FUCKIN DO THAT. THAT’S THE DREAM, THAT’S FUCKIN HEAVEN.

And I’m over here doin’ it for free like a fucking asshole.

fuck i have been underselling my services by about one million dollars per blowjob.

(via l0nelyl0ser-deactivated20190322)

• officer: license and registration
• me: *hands officer a card*
• officer: this is a get out of jail free card from the game of monopoly
• me: yes
• officer: you got lucky this time, have a good night

milestellersgf:

if Nicki called me out like that I would never leave my house again

(via fuckngn3rd)

sexhaver:

old golden retrievers are one of the purest forces of good on this planet

(via fuckngn3rd)

canadad:

canadad:

whats it like getting 8 hours of sleep every night

vulpx this reply needs its own hall of fame imo

(via just-becuase)